…flipped a shit-fuck out this morning on my way into work.
I dragged my ass outta bed late ‘cos of a late night marathon of The IT Crowd. I splashed water in my hair to appear like I’d showered. I dumped food into the animal’s bowls. While I was brewing my espresso, I practiced my Subgenius morning ritual of herbal inhalants. When the espresso was good and burned, I jumped in the mustang and blew off.
I wasn’t much past the first turn when I noticed that my left forearm was infested with ants. They were feverishly running about my arm, the car door, the dash, the steering wheel and in my lap.
I managed to swerve a little. I kept looking forward and brushed my arm. I patted my lap. Then, when the creepy-crawly feeling stopped, I kept my hands at 10 and 2 until I got to work.
Luckily I only work 5 minutes from home. There was quite a bit of slapping and smashing when I pulled into my parking spot, but thankfully I managed to keep from crashing, kamikaze-style, into my fellow transients.
I amaze myself.
